My Full Story

When I was 25, I had a proper quarter-life crisis: I returned home from a fun weekend at Austin City Limits, feeling myself in a brand-new way and so excited to take my life by the reins. On Monday, I quit my “good”  job. On Tuesday, I  broke up with my “good enough” boyfriend. And by Wednesday, I started clearing out my clutter. 

That process taught me two things: First, it showed me how focused I became when I cleared out my clutter. My brain, my energy, my identity - all of it became really clear when I was making decisions about my stuff - what I wanted to keep and what I needed to let go of. Secondly, it taught me that clearing out my clutter is hard: it’s time-consuming, choices can stump me and it was practically-speaking, challenging to get rid of some stuff, like old paint, a kayak, a TV and a mattress. 

As I was jobless and enthusiastic, in 2004, I started an organizing business to help people do what I did. I loved it. I would feel all the FEELS of clearing out my own stuff without the taxation of making decisions about MY stuff. All the stuff was theirs and it is MUCH easier to help people get rid of their stuff than it is to get rid of your own stuff. 

That worked great for 10 years and then I had kids. Two boys, three years apart. I had significant (post partum) depression. I was very tired, always. I couldn’t make decisions. I couldn’t keep up with the business, so I closed it. Then, our household grew. My sister in law and my husband’s parents came to live with us and we needed a bigger house. With more space, people and things, we had much more stuff to store and places to store it. When an item didn’t fit in my inlaws’ space, they would give it to me to decorate our space. I passively accumulated a lot. I couldn’t make decisions. Again, I was tired. I felt pressure to keep items that were theirs. It was hard for me. I felt lost and I craved sovereignty and autonomy. 

When Covid hit in the Spring of 2020, I was at home a lot, trying to juggle teaching our two young kids. We couldn’t go anywhere - not to the trampoline park, not the park-park; we were home a lot. On a Zoom call with Kevin’s extended family, one of his cousins asked how my organizing business was going. I told her I was flat-out and over-run with my life and my own clutter. I made a joke of it. Inside, I felt sad, frustrated, ashamed and discouraged. I wondered why I would put myself down like that. 

After the call, I saw a FB post that I could relate to. A funny, lawyer, mom-friend showed a photo of her daughter’s beautiful pink room, with clothes, books and toys strewn on the floor. A hopeless caption attached. Words of understanding followed in the comments and one got my attention: have you heard about The Minimal Mom? There was a video of her tutorial about reducing the chore of laundry. Her tips included reducing the amount of clothes your kids have, doing one small load daily, not folding clothes (but folding towels and sheets), and having your kids put their clothes away. TOTAL. LIGHTBULB. MOMENT.  “Laundry” felt like a dirty word in my house. The loads were huge, it was a half-day event, I would watch TV and settle in when I had several huge loads to fold. I took pride in doing it beautifully and that took a lot of time and energy.

What would happen if I gave my kids three tops, three bottoms and some undies and socks in their drawer? Could I reduce their clothes to only one drawer per kid? YES I CAN. YES I DID. Did I also stash the extra clothes in case this experiment didn’t work? YES I DID. This one change has been amazing for me and our kids. They have enough, but not too much. They wear the same three outfits all the time and they look fine. Adorable, even. 

This one change gave me hope that I could get control over the stuff again. I could make decisions and take charge of my life and my future. I wanted more. I wanted a class. I wanted to really DO THIS. I found Becoming Minimalist and signed up for Joshua Becker’s 12 week course. I soaked up every lesson, loved studying this subject like it was my JOB. He started with something so simple, and yet, so helpful for me: towels. How many towels do we need in this house? Two per person? Wow, we had maybe four per person, with some extras for guests. Done. In the first five weeks, I created huge loads for give-away. It was amazing. 

Three things happened that were surprising during this process:

First: my husband cleaned out his side of the closet within the first three weeks of my class. I never said one word to him about his own stuff, he just did this on his own.

Secondly, my husband saw me getting rid of a lot of (nice-ish) things and was upset one morning when I was negotiating getting rid of the bedside tables in our guest room. My SIL was trying to show me how I could reuse and repurpose those tables in our living room. It felt terrible to me. Not only did I feel annoyed and frustrated, I felt trapped, angry and hot about these side tables. It felt like I was being told I couldn’t do this work at all. I couldn’t have a voice. Ultimately, I couldn’t BE ME.  I returned to the Origin Story of these tables. We bought them when our guest room was much bigger, and then we moved. We have made them work, but they were never right for that room. I was going to fix this problem today. We compromised by keeping both tables, but no longer keeping them both in the guest room. One became my husband’s side table (and we donated the lower quality tables that once flanked both sides of our bed) and the other is the sole side table in our guest room. It felt like we both won. 

Secondly, the 12 week class became too long only in the face of an invitation to get out of town. It was summer by now and my family spends their summers in cool Northern Michigan. I needed to GO! I still had five weeks of class less and I thought: Where is the 3 Day Class? I want THAT ONE!

And so…I created it. Here you can find a 3 Day Class on Gentle Minimalism, ON RUSH, but also a longer, deeper, 90 Day Class. Because, sometimes, you don’t have the time to make it all happen, you just gotta make a change TODAY.

Thanks for checking out My Story and for your interest in living with less. I really think it’s a pillar of a happier life. It has been for me.